People

So let me tell you about the hurt kind. About the damaged kind. About the redeem-less kind.

Let me tell you about the kind of people I`ve met and even shared pieces of my life with.

I`ve met people who were awkwardly funny and had a disturbed sense of humor, people who have had a damaged childhood and faced family distress, people living dangerous, unhealthy lives, people who have made it out of immense trouble.

I have met people so emotionally damaged they couldn`t even tell who they were anymore.  I`ve met the strict, ethical and dedicated people. I`ve met some I would end up  looking up to, and people who I consider to be my kind.

I`ve met people with little education but the warmest and greatest hearts.

And I`ve met cold people driven by external gratitude and recognition. So void inside they needed others onto whom they projected their frustration, insecurities and from whom they expected output  which would then be used to try and fill the void.

I`ve met such detached and disregarding people that would actually stir jealousy. I have met people craving for affection-unable to give any themselves. I`ve met people feeding on hurt and pain caused on  others. I`ve met ridiculous, annoying people, have met vindictive and judgmental ones.

I have met t e probably some of the smartest and most lucrative people I could run into throughout my life.

I have given my share of real thoughts and feelings to each one of these people- finding myself to be (subjectively) the most sincere person I know.

We`re not perfect. No one is. We are restless pieces of energy making up the fantasy life we call this world.

I honestly believe there is nothing more ephemeral and frail than the energies we exchange with each-other.  Mark human interaction as the most special of all worldly functions.

Dimineti - eterne reintoarceri -

Am mai scris pe subiectul asta.. de multe ori.

Sunt dimineti de tinut minte.

Dimineti traite in greata rasaritului recurent, care ma prindeau cu ochii grosi si grei dupa N nopti nedormite. Dimineti care trag dupa ele incarcatura grea a cuvintelor ce ranesc sau raneau in trecut; care trag dupa ele multiple incercari trecute.

Si Dimineti ca cele despre care povesteam de langa mare, de pe nisip. Diminetile alea in care ma simt supravietuitorul unei apocalipse in miniatura. Dimineti in care noaptea purifica mintea, sufletul, fizicul; oboseala nu mai este relevanta, caci bucuria de a simti re-nasterea o acapareaza.

Despre astfel de dimineti mai vorbisem. Le-am trait si retrait des pe parcursul drumului meu initiatic.

Dar dimineti ca cea de azi nu mai traisem pana acum. Asa ca trebuie sa o marchez. Aici. Acum.

O dimineata pe care am evitat-o crezand ca va veni ca cele ce produc greata si oboseala din sila cu care rasariturile isi fac simtita prezenta. O dimineata pe care nu voiam sa o trec pur treaza, imi era teama de ea.
De fapt Dimineata de azi e diferita. Rasaritul a fost temut si nedorit, insa s-a dovedit a fi necesar si util. A fost o dimineata in care, odata cu lumina puternica a soarelui, am trait detasarea. O detasare lina. Amara si calma.
Aceasta dimineata m-a convins sa o imbratisez, sa o doresc si sa o traiesc timp de treizeci de minute in mijlocul intersectiei-acolo unde m-a izbit-.

O Dimineata care mi-a amintit de culoarea vietii, culoarea lumii mele . Mi-a amintit ca tot ce sunt pe dinauntru si pe dinafara, e tot ce este.

Sunt dimineti ca asta, cred, in care realizam ca putem face orice pentru noi, ca o putem lua la picior catre nicarieri fara nicio implicare , fara niciun bagaj anterior. Si mai cred de fapt, ca aici se incheie drumurile initiatice. [Oare..?!]