I need you right in front of me.

Soul stripping.

Astazi, mergand alene si greoi catre locul in care trebuia sa ma intalnesc cu o buna prietena, si cum adesea mi se intampla, am trait o experienta spirituala de scurta durata. Desigur, strans legata de muzica din iPodul meu, senzatia era cu totul stranie.. A fost un amestec ciudat de expectatie si nerabdare cu o vaga tenta de liniste si relaxare sufleteasca... Nu pot spune ce e exact. Poate ca e racoarea sfarsitului verii pe care o resimt prin prisma vantului un pic mai taios, dar mangaietor si racoritor.. Aah ce mult am asteptat racoarea... racoareai brizei sarate a marii! Nimic nu se compara cu asta.

Imediat dupa exaltarea mea a urmat un mic moment de nostalgie si dor. Un dor nespus de locuri, de oameni, de senzatii pe care numai acolo le pot trai. Vantul asta imi oferea doar un preambul la ceea ce tanjeam de fapt. Mangaierea lui. Si am realizat ca doar el imi poate alina toate dorurile neconcretizate pe care le simt. Dorul de el se transpune in orice senzatie de nostalgie. 

Este poate, o perioada in care sunt mai sensibila la elemente din mediul exterior, la sentimente, la ganduri. 

Poate toate astea vor trece ca o raceala de vara, cu un nas putin iritat si un racait sacaitor pe gat.

Intre timp simt ca I..

Pink Floyd - Wish You Were Here

`No one who wants you could want you more`

Elvis Costello-I want you.

Roads. Thoughts.

Indeed i truly did.

I couldn`t have put it better in words, so there you have it, in  case it wasn`t blatantly obvious,

Selah Sue - I truly loved ya

Sometimes when i miss you i put THIS record on...

Katy Perry- The One That Got Away

You made me so angry/ I'll never forget you

I'll never forget you
I'll never forget you
You made me so angry
I'll never forget you

Birdy-I`ll never forget you.

Can you feel a little love ?!

Depeche Mode- Dream on.

Can you feel a little love   

As your bony fingers close around me
Long and spindly
Death becomes me
Heaven can you see what I see

Hey you pale and sickly child
You're death and living reconciled
Been walking home a crooked mile

Paying debt to karma
You party for a living
What you take won't kill you
But careful what you're giving

There's no time for hesitating
Pain is ready, pain is waiting
Primed to do it's educating

Unwanted, uninvited kin
It creeps beneath your crawling skin
It lives without it lives within you

Feel the fever coming
You're shaking and twitching
You can scratch all over
But that won't stop you itching

Can you feel a little love
Can you feel a little love

Dream on dream on

Blame it on your karmic curse
Oh shame upon the universe
It knows it's lines
It's well rehearsed

It sucked you in, it dragged you down
To where there is no hallow ground
Where holiness is never found

Paying debt to karma
You party for a living
What you take won't kill you
But careful what you're giving

Can you feel a little love
Can you feel a little love

Dream on dream on

Can you feel a little love

Revelations

“Perhaps all the dragons in our lives are princesses who are only waiting to see us act, just once, with beauty and courage. Perhaps everything that frightens us is, in its deepest essence, something helpless that wants our love.” 
― Rainer Maria Rilke, Letters to a Young Poet



I usually have some sort of strange relationship with objects, places, landscapes, smells all around me and this leads to short but intense moments of memory recallection of situations i`ve lived in the past or feelings i`ve had about something which i can associate with the current one... sometimes i even `get` these weird-creepy super-intense deja-vus that i don`t even know how to manage - i just get outside of my skin for a couple of minutes and then i`m back on track.

And it`s in those moments  that i feel special, that i feel i`m alive. The actual  sentiment and situation i`m living on the inside is indescribable. 

I`ve been conducting this sort of experiment on my own person. I am trying to shift my perspective on most of the things in my life, such as: family, friends, love, men, people in general, myself. It is hard-i`ll have to admit- to come at a point where you actually have to fight your own thoughts and principles and take a contrasting decision. But  to see the amazing results that specific decision brings in the end, really makes it all worth it. 

I have this sense of extraordinary and specialness about myself now,  that actually gives me the power to mold who i am and to achieve goals i`ve left behind for a long while. 

It becomes needless to say how happy i feel about all of these things.

One of these small cherishable moments happend today and in such an ordinary situation. I was just taking the trash out, and it was right after a `splashing` rainfall in my hometown. The moment i stepped outside and i smelled the air, i had a flash-back memory. I could see myself, just how i was when i used to be a  little kid, maybe around 7 or 8.. and i was wearing this hoodie/sweatshirt with a strange brown and beige print, like army pattern but not that obvious (i guess you could say it kinda looked like a cow skin hahaa) .. anyway , so i was there in the street wearing this hoodie, and it just popped to my mind that it was the same one my mom would make me wear when it would rain in the summertime.  The thought of  only one smell of the fresh after-rain air would trigger a whole specific memory made me realize how sensitive people actually are to all things in their environment.  There is such a strong connection between who we are, who we were, our thoughts, our wishes, our relationships with other people,  nature. There`s no way we can run away from that. 

[Sometimes we just need to stop and listen for a moment.]

Well now what i`ve given such a `meditation`-al speach here, i want to reach to the point i was intending to make with this written part of my life: I get these awesomely good vibes from such small things around me that i could`ve never gotten from all the realness and wrongness of the world. 
I`ve wasted so much energy on getting mad about bad stuff happening in the world, or facing other people`s fears or carrying their heavy, that i forgot how it feels to look at the miracles of life that are right there in front of me  and wonder at life and nature`s immensity. 

I Guess what i`m saying is, Guys, gather up all the good energy you can get and focus on what you want to do with it. And always keep a wide perspective, cuz "perhaps all the dragons in our lives are princesses who are only waiting to see us act, just once, with beauty and courage". :)