joi, 1 august 2013


“Perhaps all the dragons in our lives are princesses who are only waiting to see us act, just once, with beauty and courage. Perhaps everything that frightens us is, in its deepest essence, something helpless that wants our love.” 
― Rainer Maria RilkeLetters to a Young Poet

I usually have some sort of strange relationship with objects, places, landscapes, smells all around me and this leads to short but intense moments of memory recallection of situations i`ve lived in the past or feelings i`ve had about something which i can associate with the current one... sometimes i even `get` these weird-creepy super-intense deja-vus that i don`t even know how to manage - i just get outside of my skin for a couple of minutes and then i`m back on track.

And it`s in those moments  that i feel special, that i feel i`m alive. The actual  sentiment and situation i`m living on the inside is indescribable. 

I`ve been conducting this sort of experiment on my own person. I am trying to shift my perspective on most of the things in my life, such as: family, friends, love, men, people in general, myself. It is hard-i`ll have to admit- to come at a point where you actually have to fight your own thoughts and principles and take a contrasting decision. But  to see the amazing results that specific decision brings in the end, really makes it all worth it. 

I have this sense of extraordinary and specialness about myself now,  that actually gives me the power to mold who i am and to achieve goals i`ve left behind for a long while. 

It becomes needless to say how happy i feel about all of these things.

One of these small cherishable moments happend today and in such an ordinary situation. I was just taking the trash out, and it was right after a `splashing` rainfall in my hometown. The moment i stepped outside and i smelled the air, i had a flash-back memory. I could see myself, just how i was when i used to be a  little kid, maybe around 7 or 8.. and i was wearing this hoodie/sweatshirt with a strange brown and beige print, like army pattern but not that obvious (i guess you could say it kinda looked like a cow skin hahaa) .. anyway , so i was there in the street wearing this hoodie, and it just popped to my mind that it was the same one my mom would make me wear when it would rain in the summertime.  The thought of  only one smell of the fresh after-rain air would trigger a whole specific memory made me realize how sensitive people actually are to all things in their environment.  There is such a strong connection between who we are, who we were, our thoughts, our wishes, our relationships with other people,  nature. There`s no way we can run away from that. 

[Sometimes we just need to stop and listen for a moment.]

Well now what i`ve given such a `meditation`-al speach here, i want to reach to the point i was intending to make with this written part of my life: I get these awesomely good vibes from such small things around me that i could`ve never gotten from all the realness and wrongness of the world. 
I`ve wasted so much energy on getting mad about bad stuff happening in the world, or facing other people`s fears or carrying their heavy, that i forgot how it feels to look at the miracles of life that are right there in front of me  and wonder at life and nature`s immensity. 

I Guess what i`m saying is, Guys, gather up all the good energy you can get and focus on what you want to do with it. And always keep a wide perspective, cuz "perhaps all the dragons in our lives are princesses who are only waiting to see us act, just once, with beauty and courage". :)

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